The last few months have been an incredible whirlwind. No. – A Tornado. Finishing school, applying for jobs, applying for grad school and trying to find a place to live all definitely took their toll on me. Not to mention the myriad of giant thoughts buzzing through my head: Where am I going? What am I doing? What DOES IT ALL MEAN!? *only slightly exaggerated* (trust me, you never want to be in my head).
I realize my experience is not unusual. But that doesn’t really stop any of us from freaking out about it. Actually, the last few months were really good in some ways. Especially the last two weeks of school, I felt like I wandered around campus. I felt almost lovesick. The symptoms: wandering around aimlessly, deep sighs, random smiles at nothing in particular, and always on the verge of tears.
I miss my hometown very badly. As I knew I would.
So here I am! I live in the city, I work as a Sales Coordinator for an amazing Audio Visual company and I’m one year away from my wedding! Its a very exciting time. And I can feel the discernment taking on a deeper reality.
In general, I think our generation is disposed to believe that they are entitled to have a job that they are incredibly passionate about. Many of us, even, dream of making some sort of profound difference in the world. I’ve always had that vision of myself (perhaps I’m just vain?). When we graduate from college and (if we’re lucky) find a decent job we may start to question those original dispositions.
I remember last year, standing in my mom’s kitchen talking about jobs. I was starting to get frantic about what was going to happen in the spring. I told her that I felt kind of doomed to an office job. I tried desperately to explain how much I wanted to make a lasting impact on people’s lives. Really change people. Teach them how to be wonderful human beings. When I finally was able to articulate this to my mother all I remember her saying was “Wow”, and not really having much of an answer for me other then “grad school?”
Well, I tried for graduate school, but it isn’t a financial possibility right now, and I’m kind of glad I’m not going. Settling in to my office job has been an adventure…to put it lightly. I’m still adjusting to the busy pace of a sales position, but on the whole, I like my job. I’m good at it. I love the people I work with. I love the company and what it does. What more can I ask for, right? That question echoes in my mind as I struggle against the temptation to be discontented.
I struggle with that question of “meaning” everyday. Really, what is the point of getting up at 6:30am everyday and working from 8-4:30 and coming home, maybe hanging out with friends, going to bed by 11 and doing it all over again? The monotony of life, I think scares a lot of people, especially young people.
So this is where my discernment and meditation has been. How do I find the profound in the monotonous?
“God walks among the pots and pans.” – St. Teresa of Avila
I have this quote written on my whiteboard in my cubicle. Every once in awhile I will stop and look at it and sigh. Sometimes it might be easier to just become a hermit. The answer is clear in my mind and heart though: “Your task is to find meaning in the mystery of everyday life with common people.” My vocation is to be a wife and a mother. My occupation will support that vocation. And I will find the Profound in what is sometimes monotonous. My challenge, and I think the challenge of all who are called to “normal human life” is to invite grace into the monotony and let it give you a tour of what it means to be human.
So, I’m beginning to accept the fact that I may not do anything in my lifetime that will make world headlines or win me a Nobel prize (*sigh*); but I will seek the profound in the monotonous. I will be a wife and a mother, and I fully intend to be the best in the world!