My Love Affair with Coffee, and How it Ended
My relationship with coffee began as a happy one. First, with sugary little cups from the gas station because “we are sooooo grown up!”. Then, what began as a juicy young infatuation, grew into a full blown amour du café. The honeymoon phase was filled with sunsets and sunrises. Mostly sunrises – on the back porch, with a book and a bagel. I was 14, and in love with my beautiful little morning rendezvous.
Relationships grow and change. Mine went to college with me. This is when I started to suspect that I had outgrown the relationship, but I still clung feverishly to it’s deep aromatic breath each morning. I swore it was the only thing keeping me alive. It gave me a wonderful jolt each day–exactly what I needed to feed my philosophical frenzy of activities each day.
I started to notice the jitters and the drop. I drank more to avoid the drop.
I told myself I just needed to make sure I was eating food with my coffee so I wouldn’t get the jitters so bad. But I couldn’t… *shudders*… quit. No way. *whispers*…. withdrawal would happen…
I made a few halfhearted attempts to end the relationship. But we always made-up. Our love… no I couldn’t call it that anymore… my dependency was so strong… I couldn’t imagine my life without it. If I could only reclaim that honeymoon phase; the sunrises on the porch, then it could stay with me forever.
Fast forward, now I am pregnant (for real… not with coffee’s baby). It’s time to give this up, at least temporarily. *Monsieur Café Laughs Maniacally*. Yeah no, I think I gave up coffee for 2 weeks, drank tea instead, and then told myself “Okay, half a cup is pretty harmless”. Two weeks of that nonsense, and I was downing espresso again, while looking up web articles about how caffeine and coffee in particular are actually good for you.
Finally, 9 months ago my relationship with coffee hit an all time low. I not only experienced the jitters and the crashes every. single. day. But now the jitters came with my heart racing and trying to beat outside of my chest, a lump in my throat, shortness of breath, and the constant urge to either run far away or go to sleep. Yes, this sounds an awful lot like a panic attack. Daily panic attacks, usually around 11AM. Timed perfectly with my morning dose of Joe Jitters.
Enough of this crap. I finally ended it. But I knew I couldn’t just divorce it on the spot. A separation period with weekend visiting rights? That would ease me out of it. So I replaced my morning routine with decaf coffee or black tea. It worked for about a month. (And yes, I had headaches almost daily) Then… somehow the jitters and the heart racing came back. How was this possible?! Decaf and Black Tea have so little of the sinister caffeine of coffee. How was my body reacting the exact same way?! The best I can figure is that my body has formed some kind of allergic type intolerance to caffeine and it triggers an anxiety reaction. So I threw the decaf away. The tea was less impactful… at least as long as I ate something with it.
I tried to pretend that I was a tea person. I do like tea. I got a book about tea and how it’s made. Did you know it’s a very similar process to wine? I thought that was cool. I should love this. I thought to myself. Perhaps with time I will grow to love it. But arranged relationships don’t always work. Secretly I missed the rich exotic deepness of my former love. I still fell prey to Msgr Café each weekend, though I almost always regretted it.
Then an angel saved me (Okay, it was my dietitian). She introduced me to Signore Teeccino (tea-chino). Teeccino is my new love affair. All the richness and depth of Msgr Café, without his Mr Joe Jitters side. I am cured. It is a new honeymoon.
Are you in a bad relationship with coffee? Take my advice. Ditch him. You don’t need him. Signore Teeccino can help. 😉
*I am not a dietitian or a doctor.
**I was not paid to advertise any product. All opinions are my own.